Do you feel safe enough to express your needs?

A few weeks ago, I sat in circle of beautiful people in New York

in a ceremony whose purpose was to remember our nature. 

A very sweet young student of mine called for this ceremony

and when he first aligned with the purpose

he meant for us to reflect on our relationship with

the trees, the animals, this kind of thing. 

Yet as we sat together

he and I and all of the people who joined us

realized that we were actually talking about our nature 

as related to one another, 

connected

dependent. 

Together, we remembered that 

leaning into your relationships with others

helps you feel safe. 

When you feel safe, you can express your needs. 

So many of us do not express what we really need

because we don’t feel safe enough. 

It is really hard to cultivate safe relationships in a world filled with so much distrust. 

And yet, there are spaces and places where you can find the possibility for your needs to be heard, where you can feel safe enough to take up space. 

The women’s collective is one of those spaces.  

We really look out for one another

and I make it my highest priority 

to take care of each person in the group

because there is no point for anyone to be there

if they don’t feel safe enough to take up space.  

Once you feel safe, you can be authentic, even vulnerable. 

Being vulnerable allows you to get closer to others because they see your true self, and they can feel safe and be authentic as well.  

Authenticity leads to safety in relationships. 

One exercise we work with regularly in the collective

is to notice how we breathe. 

Take a moment to take a deep breath

and as you exhale, release your breath all the way.  

Often, we hold a bit of breath in when we exhale

because that is a way to hold on to a bit of control. 

It makes sense to try to hold on to some control in such a chaotic world.  

Try to find a place where you can feel safe enough to let your breath release all the way, just a few times. 

It might be challenging or scary to do so at first.  Be patient and allow the exhale to come naturally.

Let it be an exercise to give yourself a few moments to feel the sense of safety so many of us long for.