You can stop pretending everything is okay

You can stop pretending everything is okay

This summer Robert and I traveled to Portugal to search for our new home. It was such a relief to arrive in the beautiful green mountains, to swim in the pristine rivers and to breathe a sigh of relief after the intense period of war we have lived.  

Three weeks into our trip, just as we started to really focus on our possibilities, we were awoken at 3 in the morning by a very calm policeman who simply said, “fire is coming.” We had seen the fire burning on the mountains nearby but still thought we would be fine, that the wind would change direction and we would simply be able to continue our search as planned.  

We could not have been more wrong. 

We had to evacuate from what became Portugal’s largest wildfire, burning 64,000 hectares over 11 days.  

At some point we joked..climate change is watching other people’s memes on Instagram, until you are the one uploading the images yourself.  That was me, posting pictures and videos of this devastating fire, from up close. It’s really hard to express in words the feeling in the body when you can feel the smoke burning your eyes and you are wondering if the roads are still open and safe for travel.  Not to mention that in the month prior, we spent 12 days watching missiles explode in the sky above our heads. 

Where is safe?!?!

Everywhere we look there's a crisis. 

Whether it’s the climate or war or mental health or governance or leadership, it is impossible to ignore the fact that we are witnessing a time of widespread disaster. 

You can stop pretending everything is okay. 

It is actually exhausting to pretend. 

Part of our western culture, at least in the way that I was taught, is to smile, keep up appearances and when someone asks you how you are, respond with confidence, ‘good!’ because you can rarely be sure if the person asking how you are really wants to hear that actually, things are rough these days. 

When you pretend everything is fine, if it isn’t, you are being inauthentic.  You are not expressing what is really living in you, and that creates distance between you and others. 

It is really hard to be okay in these times of collapse. I know this can sound really dark, and I am not meaning to be the messenger of doom but…let’s be honest. We are experiencing crisis, breaking down of the systems upon which we once relied. Many of us are noticing that the coping mechanisms that once worked no longer do, and we wonder what we might hold on to, in order to feel safe in these chaotic times. 

As we witness this breakdown, what happens to the body? Where do you feel it in your body?

Where do you feel this cultural collapse? Is it in the tightness in your shoulders or your hips? Is it in the exhaustion in your lower back, in your headaches or the clenching of your jaw when you wake up in the morning?

You can stop pretending everything is okay. 

It is probably quite safe to assume that you are not the only one feeling this way. Many of us are hurting and we are all doing our best to be healthy in this very broken culture.

Of course, it is really difficult to know what to DO in the face of all of this madness. Let’s leave that for now. Soon, I will share here about a new course in Community Building and Sacred Activism, where we can start to think about how to respond.  But for now…REST.  

Literally just lay down, and take a few breaths.  

Know that you are not alone. 

After some good rest, action can come. 

But action is rarely effective when it comes from a frantic place…so take some time to just be with all that is. 

It can be really challenging to rest when things are hard. Often resting allows space for the difficulty to be present, and it can be painful to feel.

My impulse is always to act, always to look for what I might DO in response to what is happening in me and around me. It’s part of my way of avoiding the uncomfortable feelings. 

Yet, taking action, without taking some time to feel the pain, to breathe the grief, feels like pretending everything is okay. 

You can stop pretending everything is okay. 

There’s no way that you or I or anyone will be able to respond to what life is presenting us with if we haven’t rested. There it is - your permission to rest, though of course, you don’t need me or anyone else to give you that permission.  It’s just a reminder. 

Notice how life moves in cycles, night and day, ebb and flow, rest and action.The nature of our existence these days is tiring enough, pretending everything is okay just adds another layer of exhaustion. 

Thank you for being in it together with me. 

May we find the ways to walk well in these crazy times.

May we be well accompanied, well supported. 

May we remember how to thrive.

with love and respect,

Naomi