Motherhood is one of the loneliest experiences I have ever had.

A woman said this to me recently.  And before I get any further I need to say how heartbreaking it was for me to hear. 

I know that she is not the only one who feels this way.  Many women have expressed similar things over the years, deeply feeling the lack of community, the absence of elders and aunties and all of the other people who make up that village that it takes to raise a child. 

This is the harsh truth of these times.  Loneliness is so real, and even when you try to involve your friends or relatives in your kids’ lives, people are often too busy to actually find the time to be present with you and your children.  They are too overwhelmed with their own responsibilities to find the space to show up in a meaningful way for you, and maybe even for themselves. 

This is, of course, completely understandable, especially if you feel that same overwhelm yourself. 

If you feel alone in your mothering, please know that you are not the only one. The feeling is sadly common. 

One small thing that can really help is to allow yourself to be mothered in your mothering.  What does that mean? 

Try to shift your focus, for a moment, from mothering your children to looking after yourself.  Take a few minutes to return your attention to your own needs and, if you can, give yourself the opportunity to feel the pain of loneliness.   This will probably hurt  a bit, perhaps it will feel like a tightness around your heart or in your jaw, or maybe tears will generously roll down your cheeks.  Let it be.  Allowing the feeling to simply be, rather than pushing it away, is transformative. 

If you want to feel some support in your pain, lie down.  Lay on the earth.  Feel her mothering you.  

This does not mean that you have to go outside (though if you want to that’s good too).  The earth is present everywhere. Everything that is made of physical matter comes from the earth. So go ahead, lay down on the floor of your office, or the seat of your car or wherever you find yourself as you read this message.  

Literally, lay your body down and feel the holding that is available to you. Breathe.  

When you do this, you awaken in your body a memory of being held. You don’t need to think about it.  It’s not something that needs to be expressed logically. The memory lives in you.  You were held as a baby, and probably since as well.  When you lay down and feel the support that is underneath you, the memory of being held reverberates in you. Let this be a comfort to you, a reminder that even in the loneliest moments, you are not actually alone.  Your ancestors hold you. The earth holds you. The web of life holds you. 

Let yourself be held.